Deep conversation over lobster Mac and cheese and French onion soup.
I have really struggled with this lately, having friends, being a friend. I think it’s something that’s always been important to me, therefore something I’ve struggled with. Anytime something is important to you, expectations always creep in, which can leave feelings of doubt and frustration. I have friendships where there’s no doubt, I feel totally safe but honestly, that’s maybe a few people. Second guessing and self consiousness usually cripple me with most friendships. There’s always good days where I don’t think about that, and I just do the best I can as a friend and not let those doubtful thoughts take over. But there’s always low points, that can come in and make me feel out of sync with even the best of friends. I have always been a one on one person, and having that one on one time with someone always helps my friendships grow. When I don’t have that time alone with a friend, it’s almost impossible for be to feel confident in our friendship. The older I get the harder it is, everyone has different schedules, kids and lives. The phones not enough for me, I need to see someone, read them, make sure that we are in the same place in our friendship. There’s nothing worse then feeling something for someone but knowing that it’s not there for them. This is definitely me giving advice to anyone on friendship. I’m 31 and still figuring it out, sometimes I feel good about my efforts to be a good friend and sometimes I know I could have done better. The one thing I will say, is that I Never regret taking the time to connect with a friend that I haven’t seen in awhile, it feeds my soul and I’m always the happier for it. This is my goal to myself, never stop trying, don’t give up on a friendship even if it’s more work than I think I can handle. I don’t believe that this works for everyone, I know toxic friends need to be let go, this does not apply to them. I’m applying this to people in my life that I’ve been disconnected from, for whatever reason. At the end of the day I can only work hard to be the best friend I can be, I can’t control what kind of friends others are, I just know I always feel better when I try. I want this to be a reminder to myself. I always feel I have to talk through my thoughts to better understand myself. And if someone else understands, I hope this helps you.